Sunday, 11 June 2017

And so it goes . . .

 

 I had one of those kinds of days yesterday  . . .  you know the kind I mean?  The kind where you take yourself off into a corner by yourself and you just blubber. My knee was particularly painful yesterday.  I was really struggling to even move at all.  I got myself upstairs and into my craft room, which is a complete and utter tip at the moment. With all the company we had a lot of stuff got shifted in there and you cannot move without banging something or knocking something over. You have to climb over stuff to get to stuff, etc.  Its a bit overwhelming to be honest. It looks like something from hoarders, but I'm not a hoarder.  I promise.

Anyways, I had in mind I would sit and do some art.  I have another book rolling around in my head and I wanted to do some little illustrations for it . . .


 I sketched and sketched . . .  and erased and erased . . .  I sketched some more and erased some more.  I did this for an hour and a half.  Sketching and erasing.  I got nowhere.  Todd came up to see how I was doing and I just started crying.  Great big soppy wet tears, rolling unbidden down my cheeks, and I cried . . . cried . . .  cried. I have artists block. Well and truly. And its not nice.  And I got scared and feeling very sorry for myself.  What if the art never comes to me again  . . . what if I can never ever make another picture spring from my fingertips . . .  what if . . .  what if . . .

I have never felt so useless
and afraid and, well
discouraged
...

 And I know it is a silly thing . . .  to be feeling discouraged about something like that.  There are people in the world with worse problems. This is nothing in comparison, and so I can't walk well at the moment.  Its not like I have a fatal illness or anything. Its just walking, thats all . . .


And Todd knocked over my Frozen Palace and I need to dig out the book to figure out how to put it back together  . . .  sigh  . . .  I just put all the bits into a plastic bag and stuck it away for now.  Part of the fun of lego is building with it again and again, right?

Anyways, I had my little blubber and then I came downstairs.  And I did some crochet work, and then the Missionary Elders from Buckley stopped in, and they really cheered me up.  They ate all my cookies and I gave them some milk and we sat and chatted.  It was the first time these two had been to our home. It was lovely to spend some time with them and to chat for a bit and feel of their spirit.

And I got to chat online to a friend I had not spoken to in a while, which was nice, with Mitzie snuggled into my side.  My friend has mobility problems also, and knee problems, and we laughed about it a bit and the things we do to cope.  She has a sous chef (her partner), and rolls around the kitchen in her chair.  I could never let Todd be a sous chef for me, but maybe one day I will have to do  . . . and get a roll around chair.  Hmmm . . .  I hope not.


 And then Todd and I watched an episode of this.  I love this show.  Each time I watch it, even if it is an episode I have seen before, I notice something I had not noticed before.  We also watched an Episode of Shetland on Netflix. We love police dramas.  You have probably picked up on that. ☺

I made us some toast . . .  I had whole wheat and spelt, one slice with cheese spread on it and the other with peanut butter on it. Todd had white with butter and marmalade on it.  And then we watched a Gilmore Girls (our second time watching this series, we love it.) after which we went to bed.

I fell asleep holding my rosary
and woke up later
still holding
it

The beads were all warm in my hand and tucked it back onto my night stand and I reached down and stroked Mitzie who was right next to my bed and I fell back asleep again, and now it is today.


 A new page unwritten upon.  What gets written on it is up to me and the choices I will make . . .  today . . .  and the attitude I will take . . .  today . . .

Sometimes you just have to hand everything over
and then believe and trust that
He will take care of it all
in His way and in
His time
...

We all have challenges, and we all may think that they are silly, and we all know it could always, always be worse . . .  but sometimes we just have to cry and to let go and let God.  Tears can be very healing and cleansing.  Faith is like a muscle.  We need to exercise it.   Maybe the pictures will come back and maybe they won't. Maybe my knee and my foot will get better, maybe it won't . . .  but I have to believe that whatever comes next is a part of His plan for me for whatever reason. So long as I do my part, He is bound to do His.  It all works out in the end.  I really believe that to be true.

A thought to carry with you through today  . . . 

.° * 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ | 田田 |門 ★

 *.˛.° ˛°. . 
˛And above all, watch with glittering eyes
the world around you,
because the greatest secrets are always
hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic
will never find it.
~Roald Dahl     •。★★ 。* 。 



 In the English Kitchen today  . . .  Kitchen Sink Cookies.  I love these  cookies  . . .  they are so naughty, but so nice!

Have a blessed Sunday.  Don't forget . . .

═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════ ⊰✿░G░O░D⊰✿⊰L░O░V░E░S⊰✿⊰░Y░O░U░⊰✿
═══════════ ღೋƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღೋ ═══════════

And I do too!


13 comments:

kate hazlehurst said...

Hi Marie. Everyone has their sad days, we have to, or we wouldn't know the happy days. But you know as well as I do that you'll be back doing your art soon, and loving it! Maybe once you get your craft room back to normal that will help. I know I couldn't concentrate if my surroundings weren't how they should be.

As for your knee, it's really upsetting when we can't do the things we want but it's even more upsetting to be in pain at the same time. I think the time has come to make a nuisance of yourself at the doctors. You need to cry in the surgery and let him see how bad you are. Go two or three times a week till they realise how painful it is and that it is now affecting your mental health. Unfortunately you sometimes have to make a nuisance of yourself and be more forceful, but don't worry about that, you need to get it sorted.

As usual I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Lots of love xxx

Suze said...

Good morning my darling Marie. I am sorry that yesterday was a Debbie Downer day. Maybe you will feel better, much better today after letting it out yesterday. As Kate says perhaps it is time to pester your doctor. Being ignored is one reason I have bought my own insurance again. My hips are shot and I don't want a nine year wait like I endured with my gall bladder.

As for another snap moment. Tonight I am having toast for dinner. I have chevre on one and avocado on the other. This household had a differing moment this weekend. Last night Beth stopped in for dinner. I think I have found a way to suit her vegan eating and her habit of dropping in the door too hungry for words. For that I am thankful. Today Will and Connor joined us for a roast lamb dinner. The kids enjoyed themselves and there was lots and lots of laughs.

I am reading a novel which revolves around the rosary. IT is giving me a new take on the Gospel.

I am happy that the missionaries came to visit and brought something extra to a gloomy day.

I will continue to pray for you and Todd. Lots of love always.

Marie Rayner said...

I hate to pester the Doctor, but I am going to have to I think. I think I need physio-therapy or something Kate. It is really quite debilitating as it is. I felt stupid crying about it. I am really not a cry baby! xoxo

Oh, your roast dinner sounds lovely Suzan. I could go for one of those today! I think we are going to have a Lamb Tagine. Love and hugs. xoxo

La Table De Nana said...

You just got a book published..well soon:) There must be enormous pressure inside you to do it again..

like a writer ..I am sure many authors have felt like this:)
You are an incessant well of creativity..and have just been through..A LOT.
I am going to write you a wee email.
Yes your knee can get better.. and or the pain can be managed while it heals:)

Sybil said...

Oh my dear Marie, I don't like the thought of you not being in a good place at the moment, I sure hope today is a better one and that you've managed to get to church I'm sure that would help. It does sound as if it's long past the time that your Dr got you to the hospital to see about thr knee there must be something they can do. It might be that the bone is flaking and that needs to be removed ( by a Hoover like tool) my dear friend Pam had that done, before eventually getting her new knee. There is such a long Q now to get appointments sometimes it's better just to go into Aand E hobbling as if you had just twisted it....it's worth a thought, especially if your own Dr is saying it's ok.....
My Great nephews wedding went well, the sun didn't appear but it wasn't cold and the hundreds of photos were able to be taken in the grounds.....now I have just to send a few on to the bride and groom so better go on with it....take care and remember to get plenty rest...when is it you leave for Scotland xxx

Marie Rayner said...

Thanks Monique, you are right, of course. And thanks for the e-mail also. ☺ Today is a new day and I am feeling much better! xoxo

Thanks Sybil. I feel better today. I had my boohoo and I have gotten over it. I will be trying to see the Doctor as soon as I can, and hopefully a different one. The problem with our surgery is we never seem to get to see the same Doctor twice. Glad that you enjoyed your Great Nephew's wedding! God bless! xoxo

Mandy Currie said...

Hello Marie, I haven't caught up with my blogs for ages, so you haven't heard from me either. I'm so sorry you're in such pain, I know what it's like I have osteo arthritis, getting older is not for sissys lol. Yes, yes, pester your doctors like mad, they're there to help. You need to see a Specialist Rheumatologist and perhaps go the the local pain clinic. I am on heavy duty pain killers, because I eventually got someone to listen to me. Don't worry your art will come back, you've had a busy time and sometimes you need to take time out for a little while. I am an embroiderer and through my illness I've not touched stitching for a while, but finally kitted up a design to make my sister a little pincushion. So it does come back, but I know how you feel. God is a good God and He is with us every day to comfort us and love on us. God bless you and wishing you better days. Love Mandy

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Do hope you are feeling better all the way round. It's a wonderful thing that you have someone there that gives you that shoulder to cry on. It's a blessing for sure, but you must see a doctor soon if this keeps up. Sometimes rest gives my knees the cure they need. Same with the art work.. I don't do my own sketches or designed but love to paint. I've got a project that needs to be done this week for my daughters birthday. Keeping you in my prayers.

Marie Rayner said...

Thanks Mandy, so nice to see a comment from you. Osteo arthritis is a real pain in the butt! Literally! ha! I think after our holiday I am going to become a thorn in the side of our local surgery. I am glad that you are able to do some stitching for your sister. I am sure she will love it. God bless you and much love in return. xoxo

Thans Pam, I am feeling better today. My knee still hurts, but I am in a much better frame of mind. I would loe to see your paintings. I am sure your daughter will love whatever you make for her. Thank you so much for your prayers. They are very much appreciated! xoxo

J said...

Oh Marie, don't worry ur art will come back to u. You have so much on ur plate and so much pain in ur knee, that it's hard to think straight right now!
Keep on smiling with ur head up bc things will get better for you! xoxo

Marie Rayner said...

Thanks Jan, I sure hope so! xoxo

LeAnn said...

Oh my dear friend, I am going to continue to pray for you that your knee get's better. Use ice and heat alternating for 20 minutes. A knee brace would be good and then of course an anti-inflammatory like Ibuprofen.
I am positive you will be back drawing again. You are so talented and I know that you will be blessed to continue. You have been through a lot this past year so maybe Heavenly Father wants you to slow down a tad.
Keep on relaxing and enjoying those TV moments and the reading you do. Simplify for a while!
Sending loving thoughts your way with big hugs~

Marie Rayner said...

Thanks very much LeAnn! Simplicity is key! Love and hugs and blessings to you. xoxo